Uff’: The three letters that taught me how to respect my parents

There is a brilliant and somewhat amusing line in the Holy Quran where God advises us concisely and clearly on how to treat our parents. Under no circumstances, even if we are entrusted with caring for our parents in old age, should we say to them “uff” – the Arabic equivalent to an expression of annoyance such as “argh” or “ugh”.

I admit that when I read that line for the first time last year, I was humoured to see this colloquialism used in the pages of the Quran, Arabic for “The Recitation” – a series of messages and admonitions from God for humankind recited through the Last Prophet ﷺ.

“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as] "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small’." (17: 23-24)

The simplicity of these phrases made me smile, but also served as a reality check. The three-letter-word shook me instantly. Besides worshiping and loving God, very little is more important than consistently acting toward ones parents with warmth and watching one's tongue.

Family has always been central for me and I was someone who was widely viewed as a good daughter. Yet, many times I would regard financial and moral obligations to my parents as a burden rather than a pleasure. Due to a series of circumstances – including illness and financial strain – I had perhaps more responsibilities than the average child from a young age. I understood the moral duty to care for family and endeavoured my best to perform these duties.

But I cannot say that my actions were always inspired by compassion and understanding. I would at times disagree with my parents, quarrel with them and fail to deal with them in tenderness. I think many of us can be negligent of our parents as we pursue our careers, travel, and search for love and friendship. We can also be unforgiving of mistakes they have made.

Upon finishing university in Canada, I moved to Cairo to work as a journalist for two years and, following a brief return my hometown Vancouver, I have worked in the Gulf region for more than five years. Up until recently, this distance prevented me from seeing my family frequently.

Both of my parents were, in their own unique ways, supportive and appreciative of my success, sacrifice and commitment. They did not expect more. But when I discovered my Islam, my submission to God, I realised I was not doing nearly enough. I intrinsically understood that family was important, but there was something about reading the words of God Himself that impressed upon me that the obligation to care for parents was not simply a matter of performing actions. Rather, it was appreciating the honour of those actions.

Last July, I completed my first reading the Quran while on a short holiday in London and Paris. My mom, sisters and nephews were together in Dubai and my father was in Fayoum, Egypt, an oasis city south of Cairo where he was born. I found myself exploring beautiful European cities on my own but wishing instead that I was with them. Understanding that one of God’s biggest tests of us is our success at treating our parents compassionately changed me; I suddenly wanted them around as much as possible.

My mom noticed the difference in me immediately as she saw me pray deeply, fast frequently and treat her with more attentiveness than I had previously. Now when my mom tells stories of her often tumultuous childhood, upbringing and adult life, I strive to listen to them, to remember the details, her expressions and the tone of her voice. “Heaven lies at the feet of your mother,” Prophet Muhammad ﷺ is cited as having said.

As fate would have it, it was when I surrendered to my obligations to my parents and truly welcomed them that my father passed away, suddenly, just two weeks before we planned to visit him in Egypt in August during the month of Ramadan (الله يرحمه/God bless his soul).

Reaching that moment when you know in your heart that you cannot share another word or embrace with a parent is overwhelming. For me it was particularly so because I had wished to communicate my newfound understanding of my faith with him. Suddenly, all the time in the world became equivalent to an irretrievable millisecond as I realised I could not delay his soul’s return to its Creator. He died while I was in flight, rushing to see him.

Looking upon my father’s bright face and simple grin before his burial moved me. I realised I was not too late but right on time. God had opened my heart in the two months prior to prepare me for this considerable event, priming me to be patient, to pray for my father, support my mother and offer compassion to my sisters.

In the weeks that followed, I browsed through the emails my father and I had exchanged not as frequently as we should have. He always ended his concise messages with a reference to God, something I failed to notice in the hustle and bustle of life. "I pray to God every prayer to make your life very rewarding,” my dad wrote at the end of one message. “I pray every prayer to God to keep you safe and increase your wealth and make everything easy for you,” he conveyed in another. "God bring you safe to us forth and back.”

I have come to realise that being a good Muslim, that is, a person who exercises her obligations to God through prayers, fasting, regular charity and good deeds, is the greatest gift I can offer my parents. The last Prophet ﷺ said of the deceased: "When a man dies, his good deeds come to an end except three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge and righteous offspring who will pray for him”.

It has been an immense comfort for me to know that when I pray and offer optional acts of worship for my father they will benefit his soul. Virtually every day since his death, I have recited on his behalf a chapter (surah) in the Quran known as Ya-Sin, which I had memorised in Arabic years before realising its importance. Ya Sin carries crucial messages about resurrection and life after death and was described by Prophet Muhammad ﷺ as the heart of the Quran.

What I do for my father now far exceeds anything I did for him during his life. Recognising this has not only informed my faith, it has drawn me closer to both of my parents. 

Daliah Merzaban is an Egyptian-Canadian journalist, editor and economic analyst with a decade of experience in the Gulf region, Egypt and Canada. Her current passions are learning Arabic, and discovering new layers of her faith in God and spirituality. She started a blog this year http://daliahm.blogspot.com/ and would be happy to share some of her articles with you.

Ramadan: A wife’s perspective (and a husband’s)

My husband’s heavy breathing assures me he is sound asleep. I cautiously tiptoe out of the darkened bedroom, careful not to stub yet another toe on a piece of furniture, and make my way downstairs to the kitchen. As I begin to prepare the French toast and tea, warm smells fill the first floor of our home, but at this early hour they do not strike me as appetizing: it is 4:30 a.m. and I am putting together my and my husband’s sehri. 

As I repeatedly call over the incessant ringing of my husband’s alarm in my attempt to awaken him, I feel the irritation creeping in. The trumpet to sound the arrival of Judgment Day could not possibly create the clamor of this alarm so why is he still asleep? And here I am, standing on the stairs at the crack of dawn shouting over this blaring ringing, all the while rubbing sleep out of my eyes and fretting over whether or not his French toast remains warm and crisp. It strikes me that, at this moment, I resemble my mother. A few years ago, it was she who would impatiently call up the stairs as I lay in bed, willfully ignoring my alarm, and she who would be overly concerned about the temperature of my omelet. I miss her and I miss her omelets. 

When my husband finally makes his way down the stairs, my frustration abates and he and I sit across from each other and share our early morning meal. We speak intermittently and keep one eye trained on the clock to ensure we finish our food by the time dawn prayers begin. Despite the sparse conversation and the hurried meal, I enjoy the feeling that we are both beginning our obligatory fasts together, as a unit. 

Once I have cleared the table and said the dawn prayer, I sit beside my husband as he begins his ritual, early morning recitation of the Q’uran; I listen to his clear, seemingly effortless pronunciation and feel remorseful that I did not practice my Arabic after I completed the Q’uran at the ripe age of nine, as is customary in Pakistani culture. As an adult, I always read the English translation of the Holy Book, missing the rhythm and melody of the lyrical language in which the Q’uran was originally revealed, but finding gratification in understanding the wisdom and application of Allah’s guidance. While the Arabic language remains alien to me, I pray that through the mere act of listening to these holy words, I will earn Allah’s pleasure and through some process of spiritual osmosis, will become a more pious human being. 

Once we lay down to sleep, I guiltily recall the tinge of envy I had felt as I had crawled out of bed while my husband lay fast asleep; it is now he who, in another hour and a half, will abandon sleep and trudge downstairs to change and drive to the office to push through a long work day. As I burrow deeper under the cozy covers, I reflect on the balance Allah has created in our relationship and those of many of our equally fortunate friends. Many of the Muslim wives I know find the limits of their patience tested through caring for their capricious little ones while feeling the fatigue a fast brings on. They ignore the rumbles of their complaining stomachs while grocery shopping and set the pre-dawn alarm to prepare daily sehris. Their male counterparts, on the other hand, endure long, tiresome work days without the welcome lunch break, and make the daily drive to the local mosque to perform the special evening prayers of Ramadan. In this month, more than any other, we push though these difficulties in the hopes of cleansing our corroded hearts; we find relief in sharing our trials, small and large, with our spouses. As I drift off to sleep, I say a silent prayer of thanks to Allah for the food and the companions with which we begin and end our fasts.

A Husband’s Perspective

It is 2:00pm, and the hunger is starting to peak is it does every day at this time. It is about the time I start counting down the hours, minutes, and seconds until I will be on my way home. I am imagining how sweet that lone date will taste on my parched tongue, how the cool water will feel as it rushes down my throat and fills my empty stomach in an instant. It is now 2:02pm. Clearly these thoughts are not helping to pass the time.

But eventually the clock strikes 6:30pm and it is time to rush home to discover what delights my wife has prepared for iftar. Impatient and unable to wait the 15 minutes it takes to get home, I call from the car to find out what is on the stove and to squeeze in my last minute request for rice over roti. I get home to see my wife busy cutting fruit in the kitchen while stirring something in a large pot, pausing intermittently to glance over one of many scribbled recipes in a small spiral notepad. In these moments, I envy my wife for the spiritual rewards she receives through this seemingly routine act of preparing a meal. By providing me the means with which to break my fast, she obtains the rewards for both of our fasts on a daily basis throughout the entire month. In this manner, Allah has bestowed an immense honor on any Muslim, male or female, who spends the last hours of the fast, when the hunger is most intense, standing over a hot stove, tantalizingly staring at and inhaling an aromatic blend of meat, vegetables, and spices while unable to indulge in even the slightest taste.

I peak my head in the kitchen to see if I can get a glimpse at what awaits, only to have my wife shoo me back towards the living room, reminding me to make use of the blessed time immediately prior to sunset for dua. I would let most of these golden opportunities go wasted if it were not for these not so subtle reminders. So instead of getting in her way, I take my wife’s advice and spend the last few moments of the fast in silent prayer, hopeful Allah will hear answer our prayers through the blessed act of fasting.

Finally, the time for iftar arrives. My wife places a colorful bowl of lightly spiced fruit in front of me, and we both dig in looking up only to smile at each other, not wanting to waste a precious moment that could be spent on chewing another satisfying bite. However, we hasten to finish this short culinary interlude so we can get to the main course. But first, we must lay out the prayer rug to say the dusk prayer together. I find this to be the prayer with the most impact in Ramadan. I am standing before my Lord and beside my wife, having just indulged in a few morsels of food after a long day of hunger and thirst, and I realize just how much there is to be thankful for. Unlike at other times during the year where prayers can end up being just a “going through the motions” type of exercise, this prayer offers an opportunity to give thanks for all the things that we could so easily be deprived of, such as food and companionship. Thank you O Allah for this meal prepared by the wife you picked out for me. Thank you O Allah for this month to remind me that I need to thank you for these simple, beautiful blessings each and every day.


Zehra Rizavi is Associate Editor of Altmuslimah. Yusif Akhund is a New Jersey-based engineer. This article was originally published in Altmuslimah's Relationships and Sexuality section.

The Ideal Muslim Family part 4

TO HELP PARENTS FINANCIALLY
The children should help out their parents financially should such help be needed. A young man once came to the prophet (pbuh)with a complaint that his father wanted to take his property. The Prophet (pbuh), replied:

"Anta wa-maluka li-Abika" ["You and your property are for your father (to use) "].

Obligation of the child After the death of His parents The prophet (pbuh) was once asked by a companion: "O messenger of Allah! Are there any deeds that I could do to be of service to my parents after they have passed away?"

The prophet (pbuh), replied: "Yes there are: you should supplicate for them and ask Allah to forgive them; you should carry out (fulfill) their promises; you should maintain good relations with your relatives ; and you should honour their friends." (Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah and Ibn Hibban)

A well known prayer for parents: "O Allah! Forgive me my sins, and the sins of my parents, have mercy on them both as they have looked after me when I was little"

PARENTS WHO ARE NOT NON-MUSLIMS
A child is required to do good towards his parents who are non-Muslims except in matters which will lead to shirk or which will go against Allah --- in which case, the child must not obey the parents.

(Revere thy parents); Yet should they endeavour to make thee ascribe divinity, side by side with Me, to something thy mind cannot accept (as divine), obey them not; but (even then) bear them company in this world’s life with kindness." Qur’an 31:15

Good relation with non-Muslim parents should be maintained, for example, honouring them, treating them politely, helping them financially, providing food and clothing, visiting them and attending to them when they are sick. And most important, to pray that their parents receive guidance from Allah!

Allah’s Reward for the Child: Allah will give a bounteous reward to the child who is devoted to his parents. On the other hand, a child who is rebellious and goes against the wishes of his parents will incur Allah’s wrath. There are numerous hadith with regard to this:

Whoever does good towards his parents will certainly live happily and contentedly; and Allah will lengthen his life. (Al-Fath Al-Kabir).

Be devoted towards your parents so that your children may be devoted towards you.

Allah’s pleasure ceases when the parents’ pleasure cease; Allah's Wrath ceases when the parents’ wrath cease. (Al-Termidhi, Al-Hakim and Al-Bukhari)

There are three prayers which are accepted without any uncertainty; they are: the prayer of one who has been oppressed: the prayer of a traveler; and the prayer of parents for their child. (Ahmad, Al-Bukhari, Abu Dawud and Al-Tirmidhi).

The major sins are: to associate partners with Allah (acknowledging other gods besides Allah), going against the wishes of one’s parents. To kill someone, and to swear falsely. (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)

The punishment of every major sin is Hell-fire unless the sinner seeks repentance from Allah; or if the sin is going against one’s parents, then the sinner must also seek forgiveness from his parents.

The punishment of every sin will be held back till the Day of Judgment with exception of the sin of going against one’s parents, in which case, punishment will take place during his lifetime before his death. (Al-Tabrani).

It has been narrated that Alqamah was a good companion of the prophet (pbuh). He was very diligent when it came to praying, fasting and giving charity. However, upon getting married, his love for his wife was greater than for his mother. As a result, when he was dying, he was not able to recite the Kalimah "la ilaha illallah." The Prophet (pbuh) asked the mother to forgive her son, however, she refused to do so. Eventually, the Prophet told bilal to gather some firewood; and told the latter to burn Alqamah. Upon seeing this, the feelings of love for her son prevailed; forgave her son, after which, Alqamah was able to recite the Kalimah "La ilaha illah" as he breathed his last.

LOVE YOUR PARENTS!
When we realized how much our parents have done for us, every son/ daughter must love and respect his/her parents, must be good towards them and must be grateful to them.

A child who does this will be bounteously rewarded with paradise in the hereafter and will enjoy a life of happiness and comfort in this world. Insha Allah. On the other hand, a child who goes against his parents will incur Allah’s wrath.

Thus, strive to be a virtuous son/daughter. Love your parents, so that your life will be happy and blissful and you will be protected from the wrath of Allah (God).

The Ideal Muslim Family part 3

THE VIRTUOUS CHILD

Parents will definitely benefit if their child turns out to be virtuous. A virtuous child who has strong faith and has acquired an understanding of submission (following the will of Allah {God}) which is called Islam and puts it into practice that is, he prays five times a day, fasts during the month of Ramadan, goes for congregation prayers, attends religious lectures/seminars and participates in religious activities.

Such a child will gladden his parents’ hearts while they are in this world as well as in the hereafter.

The Prophet (pbuh), said: "When a person dies, he ceases to receive reward for his deeds with the exception of the following: establishing a foundation for the welfare of the public (for example, building a mosque, school, hospital, etc.), knowledge which has benefited others, and a virtuous offspring who supplicates for him." (Al-Bukhari, Muslim and Abu Dawud).

A virtuous child will fulfill his obligations towards his parents, as is prescribed by Islam.

Obligations of A child Towards His parent: To treat his parents politely and gently. He must be gentle and devoted towards his parents. He should not adopt rough and coarse attitude towards them, especially in their old age. He should not utter anything that might upset them, but should always speak politely to them.

The teachings of the Holy Qur’aan for the child to follow during his life: "Your Lord (Allah) has ordained that you should worship none except Him and show kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain to old age with you, say not ‘Fie’ unto them nor reproach them but speak to them a gracious word. And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy (defer humbly to them out of tenderness) and pray: My Lord, have mercy on them both as they nurtured me when I was little." (Qur’an 17:23-24)..

"And we (Allah) have enjoined upon man (to be good) to his parents: His mother bears him in weakness upon weakness.." Qur’an 31:14).

"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth.." (Qur’an 46:59).

Children should first seek permission before entering their room The children should not enter their parents’ room until and unless they have obtained permission first.

"Yet when the children among you attain puberty, let them ask leave of you (at all times), even as those (who have reached maturity) before them have been enjoined to ask it." (Qur’an 24:59)

To stand before them (parents) as a mark of respect. And as a mark of respect, children should stand when welcoming their parents.

The Prophet (pbuh) used to stand to welcome Fatima (his daughter) when she came to visit him. And the prophet (pbuh) used to kiss her and invite her to sit. Likewise, Fatima used to stand to welcome her father whenever he came to visit her. And Fatima used to kiss him and invite him to sit. That was how Siti Fatima (may Allah be pleased with her) used to show respect to her parents. (Abu Dawud, Al-Nasai ans Al-Tirmidhi)

The Ideal Muslim Family part 2

A FATHER'S LABOUR OF LOVE
A father’s sacrifice is just as big. It is the father who is the bread winner in the family; he provides money for food, clothing, shelter, education, health and other necessities for the family.

Every day, without wasting time, the father has to earn and provide----- be it by using his mental faculties, or thru physical labour such as working under the scorching heat of the sun , or endangering his life by going out in the stormy seas. He goes through all these with perseverance and determination, solely for the purpose of providing the needs of the family.

The father also harbors hopes for his children similar to that of the mother, which means that his children succeed in becoming useful individuals.

PARENTS AND THEIR HOPES
Expectations of parents with regard to their children are towering. And it would make them extremely happy if their hopes become reality----: their child doing so well in his studies, their child having good and praise-worthy manners.

A child who has achieved this is a pleasure to behold; one who gladdens the heart of his parents, and like a child who is mentioned in the following Du’a (supplication):

O our Sustainer (Allah - the Creator)! Grant that our spouse and our offspring be a joy to our eyes, and cause us to be foremost among those who are conscious of thee! (Qur’an, 25/74)

Thus, every child must aspire to fulfill the desires and hopes of his parents. If he is still a student, he should study conscientiously and earnestly in order that he may perform well. If he completed schooling and gets into society, he should put into practice all that he has learnt. He should behave well at all times and should never himself be a burden to society. He should constantly strive to be a virtuous son who is always obedient to Allah's (God’s) commandments; and he should pray for his parents with good intentions and supplication.

If the son is far away from home, he should not forget his parents who may be feeling lonely. He should write to them often; visit them during his vacation time especially during the Muslim festive season. He should always try to make them happy; and he should never hurt their feelings.

If the son has made a failure of his life, and has led a life abound with sins, he should make a conscious effort to return to the Right Path. He should seek repentance from Allah. He should strive to make amends and should not cause his parents any further grief and unhappiness

The Ideal Muslim Family part 1

The Ideal Muslim Family

Mohammad Amin C. Cave finds guidance in the Holy Quran for a happy and harmonious Muslim family life.

A MOTHER'S LABOUR OF LOVE
No one can deny the supreme sacrifice and care that a mother renders to her child. The mother carries him (in her womb) by enduring strain after strain. And subsequently, at the time of birth, she is suspended between life and death. All this she faces with determination as much as patience barring any regret or anger.

After the child is born, the mother looks after him and brings him up with enormous love. She breast-feeds him for as long as two years, after which she continues to look after her child with all sincerity, regardless of the strain and travail (hard labour) that accompanies such a task. Without doubt, the mother sacrifices time, energy and much more in bringing up her child.

Because of her child, the mother is often forced to go without sufficient sleep sacrificing and forgoing much-needed rest. As a consequence, it is only but natural that she would constantly suffer from exhaustion and fatigue. But strangely enough, in reality, the opposite occurs. She is always happy and energetic.

The mother is the one who is up earliest. And at night, it is usually the mother who is the last to go to bed. It is the mother who prepares breakfast for the child and the rest of the family. And when everyone leaves the house, be it for work, for school or for any other reason, it is the mother who is left alone at home. She does not rest, but continues to work - busy with cooking and the daily household chores without stopping to rest. And when the child comes home from school, his meal is ready; and he proceeds to eat such with great relish. The mother, however, more often than not, has not had anything to eat as yet.

The mother is always energetic. She performs her chores with a feeling of elation and happiness. Why? Because of her love for her children and family. She does not feel the exhaustion that naturally comes with such work, because it gladdens her heart to know that her child’s future will be a happy and successful one.

A mother wishes that all her children will succeed ------- that is, becoming useful citizens, children who are pious, children who are devoted and respectful to their parents, who obey Allah (fearful of God) and who are useful to their family, society and country as well .

Because of her high aspirations for her children, she is always happy and in high spirit; never tired and exhausted, in spite of her heavy work load. She never sighs and complains, but is ever grateful.

Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) has described and explained a mother's feelings for her child in the following hadith (his sayings):

Truly, those feelings are a blessing (rahmah) from Allah, if it were not for these feelings, a mother would not be willing to breast-feed her child, nor would a farmer be willing to work in the fields (under the scorching heat of the sun).

New Year.,. Revitalize the Love!

Since marital love is prone to sickness and even death, it is imperative for couples to constantly work to revitalize and preserve it.

1. They have to get in the habit of saying things that are positive, like offering compliments and like making little prayers for each other.

A husband could say to his wife: “If I were sent back to the days of my youth, I would not choose for a wife anyone besides you.” Of course, the wife can easily say something similar to her husband.

Affectionate words have an effect, especially on women. They have, indeed, often been the weapons used by unscrupulous men to gain access to what is not theirs.

Sweet words arouse a woman’s heart. A husband should take care to say them to his wife before someone else does!

Do you have any advice on how to revitalize the love in your marriage? share your tips here
http://www.facebook.com/notes.php?id=121085827905131&notes_tab=app_2347471856

Celebrating Xmas with your non-muslim Family

Question

As-Salam `alaykum. I am new Muslim and I am living with my Christian family in a non-Muslim society. My family is celebrating Christmas and I want to ask if it is wrong for me to attend their celebration.

Answer

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear questioner, we would like to thank you for the great confidence you place in us, and we earnestly implore Allah to increase your faith and guide you to the straight path.

There is nothing wrong, as far as Islam is concerned, that you share your family’s happiness in Christmas as long as you steer clear of what is prohibited in your religion (such as a table where alcohol or pork is served) and specifically religious rituals.

Responding to the question, Dr. Jamal Badawi, Member of the European Council for Fatwa and Research and the Fiqh Council of North America, states the following:

Participating in the non-religious aspect of Christmas such as family reunion dinner or visitation is OK. Attempts should be made to avoid situations where alcoholic drinks are served on the same table. Kindness to parents and family without compromising one’s beliefs is an Islamic duty.

During socialization and whenever appropriate, one may share one’s thoughts [on religion] with them, preferably in answer to their questions or comments without being too argumentative.

Moreover, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, adds:

You are allowed to partake of their feasts and celebrations so long as you stay away from their specifically religious rituals, and so long as you are clear in your mind that Christmas has nothing to do with the original teaching of Jesus (peace and blessings be upon him).

While remaining steadfast to your beliefs about Jesus, you are allowed to join them in their feasts in order to reciprocate kindness with kindness. By doing so, you may even be helping them remove their misconceptions about Islam being a fanatical religion. So go ahead and participate in their feasts, and let them know the true image of Islam. 

Morals and Good Manners

Question: Are there (good) manners not mentioned in the Qur'aan and the Sunnah? And if so, how can we come to know of them?

The response: He (the Prophet,-- may AAllaah raise his rank and grant him peace) said:

"I have only been sent to complete upright moral character."

[found in Mushan Ahmad (2/381); al-Mustadrak (4280); al-Adab al-Mufrid (273); Shu'ab al-Eeman (7609); Sharh Mushkil al-Aathar (5194); on the authority of Aboo Hurayrah.]

The previous religions that Allaah legislated for HIs servants had also encouraged their followers to have virtuous manners. The people of knowledge mentioned that virtuous manners were sought from the followers of all previous legislations. And it is this perfect legislation that the Prophet (may Allaah raise his rank and grant him peace) came with that brings upright moral character to its completion and good manners to perfection.
Let us look at an example of that.

Qisas (retribution)

The people of knowledge have mentioned the issue of qisas which is when a person commits a crime against another: Is a punishment of the same nature of his crime to be applied to him or not? They have mentioned that this was something inflexible in the legislation of the Jews. They had to apply it, and the victims had no say in the matter (ie, they could not excuse the criminial). Later, it was the opposite for the Christians in their legislation. They were obliged to excuse the criminal in all cases.
Since holding the criminal accountable for his crime is something resolute that prevents recurrences of similar crimes, and since excusing him, on the other hand, is a kind of beautiful and praiseworthy act that can affect the criminal in a positive way, then our legislation has combined them both to make the affair complete, and for Allaah is the praise. The victim is given the right to excuse the criminal or hold him accountable. This way forgiveness is granted in its proper place, and retribution can take place when called for.

UPRIGHT MORAL CHARACTER, a Concise Guide to Attaining Dignified Islaamic Character
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-Uthaymeen

How you became a Father part 2

For the women who deliver their babies by cesearan section, there is not lessening of her work. She may still have labored, and then by the qadar of Allaah, it is needed for her to have her burden eased by surgery. Remember, O Men, that Allaah Ta'Alaa, al Haqq, said that the pregnancy is a burden in three places in His Kitaab.

"IT IS HE WHO HAS CREATED YOU FROM A SINGLE PERSON (Adam), AND (then) HE HAS CREATED FROM HIM HIS WIFE [Hawwaa" (Eve)], IN ORDER THAT HE MIGHT ENJOY THE PLEASURE OF LIVING WITH HER. WHEN HE HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH HER, SHE BECAME PREGNANT AND SHE CARRIED IT ABOUT LIGHTLY. THEN WHEN IT BECAME HEAVY, THEY BOTH INVOKED ALLAAH, THEIR LORD (saying): 'IF YOU GIVE US A SAALIH CHILD, WE SHALL INDEED BE AMONG THE GRATEFUL." Al-A'raf, 189.

"AND THOSE OF YOUR WOMEN AS HAVE PASSED THE AGE OF MONTHLY COURSES, FOR THEM THE 'IDDAH (prescribed period), IF YOU HAVE DOUBT (about their periods) IS THREE MONTHS, AND FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NO COURSES. AND FOR THOSE WHO ARE PREGNANT, (whether they are divorced or their husbands are dead), THEIR 'IDDAH IS UNTIL THEY LAY DOWN THEIR BURDEN; AND WHOSOEVER FEARS ALLAAH AND KEEPS HIS DUTY TO HIM, HE WILL MAKE HIS MATTER EASY FOR HIM." At-Talaq, 4.
"LODGE THEM (the divorced women) WHERE YOU DWELL, ACCORDING TO YOUR MEANS, AND DO NOT HARM THEM SO AS TO STRAITEN THEM (that they be obliged to leave your house). AND IF THEY ARE PREGNANT, THEN SPEND ON THEM TILL THEY LAY DOWN THEIR BURDEN. THEN IF THEY GIVE SUCK TO THE CHILDREN FOR YOU, GIVE THEM THEIR DUE PAYMENT, AND LET EACH OF YOU ACCEPT THE ADVICE OF THE OTHER IN A JUST WAY. BUT IF YOU MAKE DIFFICULTIES FOR ONE ANOTHER, THEN SOME OTHER WOMAN MAY GIVE SUCK FOR HIM (the father of the child)." At-Talaq, 6.

Allaah is al Khaliq, the Creator. He Knows best what He has decreed for His creation to have as their tests, trials, and rewards in this life. He has said that it is a burden, and while it may be a joyful one, that does not diminish the toils that a woman's body undergoes. We do not say this that you feel pity, or that you give thanks that you are not a woman. We say this that you think on the ability of your Lord, and that you have compassion and mercy for the woman who is under your authority, by the words of Allaah. The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy. O Husbands, be merciful to your wives! O Wives, be merciful to your husbands for their ignorance! O Believers, be merciful to each other, and fear the Day when no soul will benefit another, except for what has gone before!

Allaah has taught to His slaves, Believing and otherwise, that which benefits them. A cesearean delivery can benefit the woman and the baby greatly, but make no mistake, it is major abdominal surgery! A woman who has active genital herpes will be delivered of her child by surgery, as the herpes exposure during a vaginal birth infects the entire body of the baby, and the baby frequently dies. In the West, babies that are not in the "head first" position are delivered by c-section also, as it has been deemed safer; babies have become stuck or strangled when delivered vaginally, and the West has ceased to try delivering them naturally. We (the author) do not know what the practice is elsewhere in the world, but the danger of delivering babies who are breech, which is when the baby lies in such a position that one or both feet are the first to emerge from the mother, this is very real. Again, women do die in childbirth. Babies do die in childbirth.

 O Husbands! Show kindness and mercy to your wives, support them, not just with your words, during this time when she, at least, is more conscious of trusting in Allaah and relying upon Him Alone,And in Allaah let those who trust place their trust.

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How you became a Father

The womb of a woman who is not pregnant, has never been pregnant, is about the size of a lemon. The one who has been pregnant in the past, her womb is a bit bigger, but still, think of this, O People. This organ, it has never been duplicated by man with all of the scientific knowledge concerning it, knowledge that was given by Allaah Ta'Alaa, who Knows better what He has created and fashioned. During the course of a pregnancy, that lemon-sized organ grows large enough to hold one, two, or sometimes more babies weighing five or more pounds, plus the placenta, aka "afterbirth" and the fluid that the baby or babies float in, swallows, pees, and is somewhat cushioned by. It is the safe place that Allaah has let us all have, it is warm, and through it some faint light can be seen (!) and sounds heard. And then the child is born, having remained in that safe and secure place for as long as Allaah decrees, wa subhana Allaah wa bihamdihi.

A woman's breasts grow also, to varying degrees. It is from Allaah's Mercy and Knowledge and Ability that they produce milk, milk specific for that pregnancy, that child. A woman who gives birth prematurely, may Allaah protect us all, the makeup of the milk that can be expressed has the fats, carbohydrates, proteins, needed for that level of development. The milk of a more advanced pregnancy has the fats, proteins, and carbohydrates needed for that level of development. This is only from Allaah! So much is transmitted in mother's milk that five sucklings by a baby before it is weaned is sufficient to make that baby one's child, prohibiting marriage and permitting familiarity the same as if the child had come from the woman's body.

During pregnancy, the mother feels the kicks, the punches, the stretches, the tumbles of her unborn child. Think of this, O men: your wife is never alone, her meals are altered as she wants more of some things and less of others, she considers everything that she eats and drinks in relation to how it will help or harm her little person, a person whose face she has never seen, whose voice she has never heard, whom she hopes will be a blessing for you both. She learns the person's personality; this one will not let her eat meat without becoming nauseous, that one will not let her sleep uninterrupted as the soccer match starts just around bedtime, and every week, this little person is getting heavier, bigger, stronger, bidhnillaah, and while becoming more dear to you both, she also sees her body changing, and you changing as well as things progress. Are you more helpful, keeping in mind that this is "weakness bearing weakness"? Or do you expect everything to be kept as clean and fresh as it was before another human being began to take from her strength, her attentions?

And then she gives birth! Whether vaginally or by cesearean section, this involves much effort on her part. If she gives birth vaginally, she has severe muscle cramps, which is what contractions are, up to every three minutes, lasting for a minute each time. Have you ever had a muscle spasm? Imagine one coming that often! Just when she catches her breath, and is not thinking about the pains, when she is trying to remember Allaah, calling on her Lord with sincerity, just when that muscle spasm has died down, only a few minutes later it comes again. This can last FOR HOURS. The average woman having her first child is in labor for up to 24 hours. Could you stay awake that long, undergoing such always increasing pains? There are men who will not hold the hand of the women that they are married to at such times, who will not rub her aching back, speak soft words of comfort. They say that this is a woman's job, not just the nurse, who is probably a woman, but the job of Woman. While this is true, is it not the job of Man to comfort and to protect, to show that love and mercy are not suspended while she comes so close to death? Make no mistake. Women do die in childbirth. It is not a thing from the past. It is only Allaah who brings the women through this time, and some He takes as martyrs.

Do you remember the first time that you held your child in your arms? While you thought of how small, how precious-- and you were right -- that little person changed your wife's body and mind forever. Not to be overly graphic, but have you remembered or even thought about how much effort it would take for muscles that cannot be exercised to push out five or more pounds of human being? Think about defecating something the size of a grapefruit, which is the approximate size of a full term newborn's head. When you stop wincing, then remember that arms and legs came also, with varying degrees of rapidity and ease, with someone's hands guiding, touching a very very sensitive area. Women sometimes tear in that area and other places as the head comes out, sometimes, the midwife or obstetrican has to make a cut so that there is sufficient room for the head to emerge without damaging other areas.

So. After all of this, you are, by the mercy of Allaah, a father. Your wife and your child. Your family grows. Your trust from Allaah has increased. Allaah bless all of you.

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Extravagance or Stinginess?

Married life between extravagance and stinginess The following are phrases often heard from one spouse about the other: “My husband is stingy”; “My husband does not buy me my necessities”; “My husband gives money to his family and does not give me anything”; “My wife exaggerates in her spending”; “My wife does not care about saving, nor does she care how hard I work”; “My wife asks for too many things,” and so on.

It is difficult to find a household without such problems; the husband accuses the wife of exaggerating in her expenditure and she accuses him of being miserly; this leads to fights and disturbs married life, and could, in some cases, lead to divorce and the complete destruction of the family structure.

This problem, in all cases, occurs due to the lack of understanding of the rights that each spouse has upon the other. One of the greatest rights of the wife upon her husband is that he provides for her, and his spending and providing for her is considered Islamically to be one of the best ways that he could spend in charity; this includes food, drink, clothing, housing and anything else a wife might need to maintain her strength and live a normal life.

Allaah informs us that it is the duty of men to provide for their wives, and this is one of the reasons men were made superior to women, as Allaah Says (what means): “Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allaah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth…” [Quran 4: 34]

There are many evidences from the Quran, the Sunnah and the consensus of the Muslim scholars proving that it is mandatory upon a man to provide for his wife. In the Quran, Allaah Says (what means): “…And upon the father is their [i.e. the mothers’] provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable. No person is charged with more than his capacity…” [Quran 2: 233]

There are many narrations in the Sunnah proving the obligation upon the man to provide for his wife, children and anyone else who lives under his guardianship, such as:

• Jaabir Ibn ‘Abdullaah, may Allaah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said in his Farewell Pilgrimage: “Fear Allaah and treat women kindly - they are like captives in your hands. You have been entrusted with them and are able to enjoy them based on the contract you have conducted. Their right upon you is that you should treat them well in the matter of food and clothing.” [Muslim]

• `Amr Ibn Al-Ahwas Al-Jushami, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that he had heard the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam saying on his Farewell Pilgrimage, after praising and glorifying Allaah and admonishing the people: “Fear Allaah and treat women kindly - they are like captives in your hands. If they become rebellious in their behaviour, then do not share their beds and beat them lightly; but if they return to obedience then you do not have recourse to anything else against them. You have rights over your wives and they have their rights over you. Your right is that they shall not permit anyone you dislike to enter your home, and their right is that you should treat them well in the matter of food and clothing.” [At-Tirmithi]

• Mu`aawiyah Ibn Haydah, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported: “I asked the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, "What right can any wife demand of her husband?'' He sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam replied: “Give her food when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not strike her on the face, and do not revile her or separate from her except within the house.” [Abu Daawood] Imaam Al-Khattaabi, may Allaah have mercy upon, him said: “This proves the obligation of spending on wives and providing clothing for them, but it should be in accordance to the ability of the husband. The Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam made this mandatory whether the husband is present or travelling, and if he is unable to, then it remains a debt on him which he must repay whenever he returns.”

• Wahb, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said: “One of the servants of ‘Abdullaah Ibn ‘Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, said to him (i.e., to Ibn ‘Umar): `I plan to stay here in Jerusalem for a month.` So Ibn 'Umar enquired: `Did you leave enough to sustain your family during your absence?` He replied: `No`, so Ibn ‘Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: `Go back and give them what will suffice them during your absence because I heard the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam say: “Neglecting one's own dependents is reason enough for a man to be committing a sin." [Abu Daawood] In the narration of this story found in the book of Imaam Muslim, may Allaah have mercy upon him, the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said: “It is enough sin for a person to hold back the due of one whose provision is in his hand.”

• Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: “I heard the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam say: “It is far better for you to take your rope, go to the mountains, (cut some firewood), carry it on your back, sell it and thereby save your face (from shame) than beg from people, regardless of whether they give to you or refuse you. The upper hand is better than the lower one (i.e., the spending hand is better than the receiving hand); and begin (charity) with those who are under your care.” It was asked: `Who are those that are under my care?' He sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam replied: “Your wife and those (others) under your guardianship.” [Muslim]

Imaam Ibn Qudaamah, Imaam Ibn Al-Munthir and others, may Allaah have mercy upon them, have said: “It is the consensus of the Muslim scholars that spending on the wife is mandatory upon the husband, unless the wife is disobedient.”

The abovementioned texts prove that it is mandatory for one to provide for his family and household and care for them. There are many prophetic narrations indicating the virtue of spending and providing for one's family and household, such as the narration of Abu Moosaa Al-Ansaari, may Allaah be pleased with him, who reported that the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said: “Whenever one spends something in charity on his family, sincerely for the sake of Allaah, he will be rewarded for it” [Al-Bukhaari]

Imaam Ibn Hajr, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said: “Providing for and spending on one's family is mandatory even though it is referred to as charity in the texts; the reason for it being referred to as charity is so that people will not mistakenly think that they will not attain reward for spending in such a way. Allaah clarified this so that people will not spend in charity externally until they have sufficed their own household and encouraged them by calling it charity.”

Sa`d Ibn Maalik, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said to him: “You will not spend anything in charity for the sake of Allaah except that you will be rewarded for it; even the morsel of food which you feed your wife.” [Al-Bukhaari & Muslim]
Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported: “The Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said: "(of the following types of expenditure): A Deenaar (i.e., a gold unit of currency) which you spend in Allaah's way, or to free a slave, or as a charity you give to a needy person, or to support your family, the one yielding the greatest reward is that which you spend on your family." [Muslim
]
Ka’b Ibn ‘Ajrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, narrated: “The Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam once passed by a group of his Companions and saw one of them working hard while the rest of them were saying: `It would have been rewarding if this hard work was exerted for the sake of Allaah.' So the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam remarked: “If he has gone out of his house striving to provide for his young children, then it is considered as for the sake of Allaah; and if he has gone out striving to provide for his old parents, then it is considered as for the sake of Allaah; and if he has gone out striving in order to suffice himself from having to ask others for money, then it is considered as for the sake of Allaah; but if he has gone out (for the sake of) boasting and showing off to others, then it is considered as (going out) for the sake of Satan.” [At-Tabaraani]

Our righteous Salaf, may Allaah have mercy upon them, understood this obligation very well and it reflected in their statements, such as the saying of the devout Imaam ‘Abdullaah Ibn Al-Mubaarak, may Allaah have mercy upon him, when he said: “Nothing can equal this in other forms of spending - even spending in Jihaad for the sake of Allaah.”

On the other hand, the wife has to realise that her husband is only obliged to spend according to his ability and financial condition, as Allaah Says (what means): “Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted — let him spend from what Allaah has given him. Allaah does not charge a soul except [according to] what He has given it. Allaah will bring about, after hardship, ease [i.e. relief].” [Quran 65: 7]

Therefore, she has no right to overburden her husband with difficult demands, because this contradicts the kindness that spouses should have with each other. Additionally, Allaah warns us against excessive spending, saying (what means): “Indeed, the wasteful are brothers of the devils, and ever has Satan been to his Lord ungrateful.” [Quran 17: 27]

The wife should take into consideration the financial condition of her husband and be conservative in her spending and demands; she should sacrifice certain requests lest she might cause her husband emotional anguish.

Conversely, the husband should not be stingy if Allaah provides him with wealth; he should not deprive his wife of what other women of her social status have of adornment, clothing and so forth, according to his ability; he should also never remind her of what he is doing for her. The husband should also know that financial inability can be made up for by kind words to the wife. When Allaah mentioned kindness to kinfolks, He highlighted how those who do not have financial ability should behave and speak, saying (what means): “And if you [must] turn away from them [i.e. the needy] awaiting mercy from your Lord which you expect, then speak to them a gentle word.” [Quran 17: 28]

Imaam Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, commenting upon this verse: “Meaning, when one's relatives or others whom he is commanded to support ask for help while one has nothing to give them, then he should promise them while being kind and gentle in tone that when Allaah provides for him, he will give to them.”

Finally, both spouses should remember that kind words and good manners make the other forget the hardships and tight financial situation they are in, and help them endure patiently

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relationships

The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It is composed of individuals that have permanent relations established between them. Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the different kinds of personal relations. Because of this, there must be certain etiquettes placed in order to control and regulate these relations. This is such that it can be maintained in the best possible manner, and so that it can generate and produce its proper fruits. 

Family relations consist of the relationship between the spouses from one perspective, the relationship between the parents and the children from a second perspective, and the relationship between the children themselves from a third perspective. 

Have Taqwa and be Kind to Relatives

The Command to have Taqwa, a Reminder about Creation, and Being Kind to RelativesAllah commands His creatures to have Taqwa of Him by worshipping Him Alone without partners. He also reminds to them of His ability, in that He created them all from a single person, Adam, peace be unto him.

[وَخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا]

(And from him He created his wife) Hawwa' (Eve), who was created from Adam's left rib, from his back while he was sleeping. When Adam woke up and saw Hawwa', he liked her and had affection for her, and she felt the same toward him. An authentic Hadith states,

«إِنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْنِضلَعٍ، وَإِنَّ أَعْوَجَ شَيْءٍ فِي الضِّلَعِ أَعْلَاهُ، فَإِنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقِيمُهُ كَسَرْتَهُ، وَإِنِ اسْتَمْتَعْتَ بِهَا اسْتَمْتَعْتَ بِهَا وَفِيهَا عِوَج»

(Woman was created from a rib. Verily, the most curved portion of the rib is its upper part, so, if you should try to straighten it, you will break it, but if you leave it as it is, it will remain crooked.) Allah's statement,

[وَبَثَّ مِنْهُمَا رِجَالاً كَثِيراً وَنِسَآءً]

(And from them both He created many men and women;) means, Allah created from Adam and Hawwa' many men and women and distributed them throughout the world in various shapes, characteristics, colors and languages. In the end, their gathering and return will be to Allah. Allah then said,

[وَاتَّقُواْ اللَّهَ الَّذِى تَسَآءَلُونَ بِهِ وَالاٌّرْحَامَ]

(And have Taqwa of Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights) and revere the wombs), protect yourself from Allah by your acts of obedience to Him. Allah's statement,

[الَّذِى تَسَآءَلُونَ بِهِ]

(through Whom you demand your mutual (rights)), is in reference to when some people say, "I ask you by Allah, and then by the relation of the Rahim (the womb, i.e. my relationship to you)'', according to Ibrahim, Mujahid and Al-Hasan. Ad-Dahhak said; "Fear Allah Whom you invoke when you conduct transactions and contracts.'' "And revere the womb by not cutting the relations of the womb, but keep and honor them, as Ibn `Abbas, `Ikrimah, Mujahid, Al-Hasan, Ad-Dahhak, Ar-Rabi`, and others have stated. Allah's statement,

[إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيباً]

(Surely, Allah is always watching over you.) means, He watches all your deeds and sees your every circumstance. In another Ayah, Allah said;

[وَاللَّهُ عَلَى كُلِّ شَىْءٍ شَهِيدٌ]

(And Allah is Witness over all things.) [58:6]. An authentic Hadith states,

«اعْبُدِاللهَ كَأَنَّكَ تَرَاهُ، فَإِنْ لَمْ تَكُنْ تَرَاهُ،فَإِنَّهُ يَرَاك»

(Worship Allah as if you see Him, for even though you cannot see Him, He sees you.) This part of the Ayah encourages having a sense of certainty that Allah is always watching, in a complete and perfect manner. Allah mentioned that He has created mankind from a single father and a single mother, so that they feel compassion for each other and are kind to the weaker among them. In his Sahih, Muslim recorded that Jarir bin `Abdullah Al-Bajali said that a delegation from Mudar came to the Messenger of Allah , and he saw their state, wearing striped woolen clothes due to poverty. After the Zuhr prayer, the Messenger of Allah stood up and gave a speech in which he recited,

[يَـأَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُواْ رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَحِدَةٍ]

(O mankind! Have Taqwa of your Lord, Who created you from a single person,) until the end of the Ayah. He also recited,

[يأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ اتَّقُواْ اللَّهَ وَلْتَنظُرْ نَفْسٌ مَّا قَدَّمَتْ لِغَدٍ]

(O you who believe! Have Taqwa of Allah. And let every person look to what he has sent forth for the tomorrow) [59:18]. He also encouraged them to give charity, saying,

«تَصَدَّقَ رَجُلٌ مِنْ دِينَارِهِ، مِنْ دِرْهَمِهِ، مِنْ صَاعِ بُرِّهِ، مِنْ صَاعِ تَمْرِه»

(A man gave Sadaqah from his Dinar, from his Dirham, from his Sa` of wheat, from his Sa` of dates) until the end of the Hadith. This narration was also collected by Ahmad and the Sunan compilers from Ibn Mas`ud.

[وَءَاتُواْ الْيَتَـمَى أَمْوَلَهُمْ وَلاَ تَتَبَدَّلُواْ الْخَبِيثَ بِالطَّيِّبِ وَلاَ تَأْكُلُواْ أَمْوَلَهُمْ إِلَى أَمْوَلِكُمْ إِنَّهُ كَانَ حُوباً كَبِيراً - وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلاَّ تُقْسِطُواْ فِى الْيَتَـمَى فَانكِحُواْ مَا طَابَ لَكُمْ مِّنَ النِّسَآءِ مَثْنَى وَثُلَـثَ وَرُبَاعَ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلاَّ تَعْدِلُواْ فَوَحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَـنُكُمْ ذلِكَ أَدْنَى أَلاَّ تَعُولُواْ - وَءَاتُواْ النِّسَآءَ صَدُقَـتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً فَإِن طِبْنَ لَكُمْ عَن شَىْءٍ مِّنْهُ نَفْساً فَكُلُوهُ هَنِيئاً مَّرِيئاً ]

(2. And give unto orphans their property and do not exchange (your) bad things for (their) good ones; and devour not their substance (by adding it) to your substance. Surely, this is a great sin.) (3. And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the servants) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from Ta`ulu.) (4. And give to the women (whom you marry) their Saduqat (or dowry) Nihlah (with a good heart), but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm.)