Thursday, December 23, 2010

Celebrating Xmas with your non-muslim Family

Question

As-Salam `alaykum. I am new Muslim and I am living with my Christian family in a non-Muslim society. My family is celebrating Christmas and I want to ask if it is wrong for me to attend their celebration.

Answer

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.


Dear questioner, we would like to thank you for the great confidence you place in us, and we earnestly implore Allah to increase your faith and guide you to the straight path.

There is nothing wrong, as far as Islam is concerned, that you share your family’s happiness in Christmas as long as you steer clear of what is prohibited in your religion (such as a table where alcohol or pork is served) and specifically religious rituals.

Responding to the question, Dr. Jamal Badawi, Member of the European Council for Fatwa and Research and the Fiqh Council of North America, states the following:

Participating in the non-religious aspect of Christmas such as family reunion dinner or visitation is OK. Attempts should be made to avoid situations where alcoholic drinks are served on the same table. Kindness to parents and family without compromising one’s beliefs is an Islamic duty.

During socialization and whenever appropriate, one may share one’s thoughts [on religion] with them, preferably in answer to their questions or comments without being too argumentative.

Moreover, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, adds:

You are allowed to partake of their feasts and celebrations so long as you stay away from their specifically religious rituals, and so long as you are clear in your mind that Christmas has nothing to do with the original teaching of Jesus (peace and blessings be upon him).

While remaining steadfast to your beliefs about Jesus, you are allowed to join them in their feasts in order to reciprocate kindness with kindness. By doing so, you may even be helping them remove their misconceptions about Islam being a fanatical religion. So go ahead and participate in their feasts, and let them know the true image of Islam. 

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Morals and Good Manners

Question: Are there (good) manners not mentioned in the Qur'aan and the Sunnah? And if so, how can we come to know of them?

The response: He (the Prophet,-- may AAllaah raise his rank and grant him peace) said:

"I have only been sent to complete upright moral character."

[found in Mushan Ahmad (2/381); al-Mustadrak (4280); al-Adab al-Mufrid (273); Shu'ab al-Eeman (7609); Sharh Mushkil al-Aathar (5194); on the authority of Aboo Hurayrah.]

The previous religions that Allaah legislated for HIs servants had also encouraged their followers to have virtuous manners. The people of knowledge mentioned that virtuous manners were sought from the followers of all previous legislations. And it is this perfect legislation that the Prophet (may Allaah raise his rank and grant him peace) came with that brings upright moral character to its completion and good manners to perfection.
Let us look at an example of that.

Qisas (retribution)

The people of knowledge have mentioned the issue of qisas which is when a person commits a crime against another: Is a punishment of the same nature of his crime to be applied to him or not? They have mentioned that this was something inflexible in the legislation of the Jews. They had to apply it, and the victims had no say in the matter (ie, they could not excuse the criminial). Later, it was the opposite for the Christians in their legislation. They were obliged to excuse the criminal in all cases.
Since holding the criminal accountable for his crime is something resolute that prevents recurrences of similar crimes, and since excusing him, on the other hand, is a kind of beautiful and praiseworthy act that can affect the criminal in a positive way, then our legislation has combined them both to make the affair complete, and for Allaah is the praise. The victim is given the right to excuse the criminal or hold him accountable. This way forgiveness is granted in its proper place, and retribution can take place when called for.

UPRIGHT MORAL CHARACTER, a Concise Guide to Attaining Dignified Islaamic Character
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-Uthaymeen

Friday, December 17, 2010

How you became a Father part 2

For the women who deliver their babies by cesearan section, there is not lessening of her work. She may still have labored, and then by the qadar of Allaah, it is needed for her to have her burden eased by surgery. Remember, O Men, that Allaah Ta'Alaa, al Haqq, said that the pregnancy is a burden in three places in His Kitaab.

"IT IS HE WHO HAS CREATED YOU FROM A SINGLE PERSON (Adam), AND (then) HE HAS CREATED FROM HIM HIS WIFE [Hawwaa" (Eve)], IN ORDER THAT HE MIGHT ENJOY THE PLEASURE OF LIVING WITH HER. WHEN HE HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH HER, SHE BECAME PREGNANT AND SHE CARRIED IT ABOUT LIGHTLY. THEN WHEN IT BECAME HEAVY, THEY BOTH INVOKED ALLAAH, THEIR LORD (saying): 'IF YOU GIVE US A SAALIH CHILD, WE SHALL INDEED BE AMONG THE GRATEFUL." Al-A'raf, 189.

"AND THOSE OF YOUR WOMEN AS HAVE PASSED THE AGE OF MONTHLY COURSES, FOR THEM THE 'IDDAH (prescribed period), IF YOU HAVE DOUBT (about their periods) IS THREE MONTHS, AND FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NO COURSES. AND FOR THOSE WHO ARE PREGNANT, (whether they are divorced or their husbands are dead), THEIR 'IDDAH IS UNTIL THEY LAY DOWN THEIR BURDEN; AND WHOSOEVER FEARS ALLAAH AND KEEPS HIS DUTY TO HIM, HE WILL MAKE HIS MATTER EASY FOR HIM." At-Talaq, 4.
"LODGE THEM (the divorced women) WHERE YOU DWELL, ACCORDING TO YOUR MEANS, AND DO NOT HARM THEM SO AS TO STRAITEN THEM (that they be obliged to leave your house). AND IF THEY ARE PREGNANT, THEN SPEND ON THEM TILL THEY LAY DOWN THEIR BURDEN. THEN IF THEY GIVE SUCK TO THE CHILDREN FOR YOU, GIVE THEM THEIR DUE PAYMENT, AND LET EACH OF YOU ACCEPT THE ADVICE OF THE OTHER IN A JUST WAY. BUT IF YOU MAKE DIFFICULTIES FOR ONE ANOTHER, THEN SOME OTHER WOMAN MAY GIVE SUCK FOR HIM (the father of the child)." At-Talaq, 6.

Allaah is al Khaliq, the Creator. He Knows best what He has decreed for His creation to have as their tests, trials, and rewards in this life. He has said that it is a burden, and while it may be a joyful one, that does not diminish the toils that a woman's body undergoes. We do not say this that you feel pity, or that you give thanks that you are not a woman. We say this that you think on the ability of your Lord, and that you have compassion and mercy for the woman who is under your authority, by the words of Allaah. The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy. O Husbands, be merciful to your wives! O Wives, be merciful to your husbands for their ignorance! O Believers, be merciful to each other, and fear the Day when no soul will benefit another, except for what has gone before!

Allaah has taught to His slaves, Believing and otherwise, that which benefits them. A cesearean delivery can benefit the woman and the baby greatly, but make no mistake, it is major abdominal surgery! A woman who has active genital herpes will be delivered of her child by surgery, as the herpes exposure during a vaginal birth infects the entire body of the baby, and the baby frequently dies. In the West, babies that are not in the "head first" position are delivered by c-section also, as it has been deemed safer; babies have become stuck or strangled when delivered vaginally, and the West has ceased to try delivering them naturally. We (the author) do not know what the practice is elsewhere in the world, but the danger of delivering babies who are breech, which is when the baby lies in such a position that one or both feet are the first to emerge from the mother, this is very real. Again, women do die in childbirth. Babies do die in childbirth.

 O Husbands! Show kindness and mercy to your wives, support them, not just with your words, during this time when she, at least, is more conscious of trusting in Allaah and relying upon Him Alone,And in Allaah let those who trust place their trust.

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Saturday, December 11, 2010

How you became a Father

The womb of a woman who is not pregnant, has never been pregnant, is about the size of a lemon. The one who has been pregnant in the past, her womb is a bit bigger, but still, think of this, O People. This organ, it has never been duplicated by man with all of the scientific knowledge concerning it, knowledge that was given by Allaah Ta'Alaa, who Knows better what He has created and fashioned. During the course of a pregnancy, that lemon-sized organ grows large enough to hold one, two, or sometimes more babies weighing five or more pounds, plus the placenta, aka "afterbirth" and the fluid that the baby or babies float in, swallows, pees, and is somewhat cushioned by. It is the safe place that Allaah has let us all have, it is warm, and through it some faint light can be seen (!) and sounds heard. And then the child is born, having remained in that safe and secure place for as long as Allaah decrees, wa subhana Allaah wa bihamdihi.

A woman's breasts grow also, to varying degrees. It is from Allaah's Mercy and Knowledge and Ability that they produce milk, milk specific for that pregnancy, that child. A woman who gives birth prematurely, may Allaah protect us all, the makeup of the milk that can be expressed has the fats, carbohydrates, proteins, needed for that level of development. The milk of a more advanced pregnancy has the fats, proteins, and carbohydrates needed for that level of development. This is only from Allaah! So much is transmitted in mother's milk that five sucklings by a baby before it is weaned is sufficient to make that baby one's child, prohibiting marriage and permitting familiarity the same as if the child had come from the woman's body.

During pregnancy, the mother feels the kicks, the punches, the stretches, the tumbles of her unborn child. Think of this, O men: your wife is never alone, her meals are altered as she wants more of some things and less of others, she considers everything that she eats and drinks in relation to how it will help or harm her little person, a person whose face she has never seen, whose voice she has never heard, whom she hopes will be a blessing for you both. She learns the person's personality; this one will not let her eat meat without becoming nauseous, that one will not let her sleep uninterrupted as the soccer match starts just around bedtime, and every week, this little person is getting heavier, bigger, stronger, bidhnillaah, and while becoming more dear to you both, she also sees her body changing, and you changing as well as things progress. Are you more helpful, keeping in mind that this is "weakness bearing weakness"? Or do you expect everything to be kept as clean and fresh as it was before another human being began to take from her strength, her attentions?

And then she gives birth! Whether vaginally or by cesearean section, this involves much effort on her part. If she gives birth vaginally, she has severe muscle cramps, which is what contractions are, up to every three minutes, lasting for a minute each time. Have you ever had a muscle spasm? Imagine one coming that often! Just when she catches her breath, and is not thinking about the pains, when she is trying to remember Allaah, calling on her Lord with sincerity, just when that muscle spasm has died down, only a few minutes later it comes again. This can last FOR HOURS. The average woman having her first child is in labor for up to 24 hours. Could you stay awake that long, undergoing such always increasing pains? There are men who will not hold the hand of the women that they are married to at such times, who will not rub her aching back, speak soft words of comfort. They say that this is a woman's job, not just the nurse, who is probably a woman, but the job of Woman. While this is true, is it not the job of Man to comfort and to protect, to show that love and mercy are not suspended while she comes so close to death? Make no mistake. Women do die in childbirth. It is not a thing from the past. It is only Allaah who brings the women through this time, and some He takes as martyrs.

Do you remember the first time that you held your child in your arms? While you thought of how small, how precious-- and you were right -- that little person changed your wife's body and mind forever. Not to be overly graphic, but have you remembered or even thought about how much effort it would take for muscles that cannot be exercised to push out five or more pounds of human being? Think about defecating something the size of a grapefruit, which is the approximate size of a full term newborn's head. When you stop wincing, then remember that arms and legs came also, with varying degrees of rapidity and ease, with someone's hands guiding, touching a very very sensitive area. Women sometimes tear in that area and other places as the head comes out, sometimes, the midwife or obstetrican has to make a cut so that there is sufficient room for the head to emerge without damaging other areas.

So. After all of this, you are, by the mercy of Allaah, a father. Your wife and your child. Your family grows. Your trust from Allaah has increased. Allaah bless all of you.

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Monday, December 6, 2010

Extravagance or Stinginess?

Married life between extravagance and stinginess The following are phrases often heard from one spouse about the other: “My husband is stingy”; “My husband does not buy me my necessities”; “My husband gives money to his family and does not give me anything”; “My wife exaggerates in her spending”; “My wife does not care about saving, nor does she care how hard I work”; “My wife asks for too many things,” and so on.

It is difficult to find a household without such problems; the husband accuses the wife of exaggerating in her expenditure and she accuses him of being miserly; this leads to fights and disturbs married life, and could, in some cases, lead to divorce and the complete destruction of the family structure.

This problem, in all cases, occurs due to the lack of understanding of the rights that each spouse has upon the other. One of the greatest rights of the wife upon her husband is that he provides for her, and his spending and providing for her is considered Islamically to be one of the best ways that he could spend in charity; this includes food, drink, clothing, housing and anything else a wife might need to maintain her strength and live a normal life.

Allaah informs us that it is the duty of men to provide for their wives, and this is one of the reasons men were made superior to women, as Allaah Says (what means): “Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allaah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth…” [Quran 4: 34]

There are many evidences from the Quran, the Sunnah and the consensus of the Muslim scholars proving that it is mandatory upon a man to provide for his wife. In the Quran, Allaah Says (what means): “…And upon the father is their [i.e. the mothers’] provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable. No person is charged with more than his capacity…” [Quran 2: 233]

There are many narrations in the Sunnah proving the obligation upon the man to provide for his wife, children and anyone else who lives under his guardianship, such as:

• Jaabir Ibn ‘Abdullaah, may Allaah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said in his Farewell Pilgrimage: “Fear Allaah and treat women kindly - they are like captives in your hands. You have been entrusted with them and are able to enjoy them based on the contract you have conducted. Their right upon you is that you should treat them well in the matter of food and clothing.” [Muslim]

• `Amr Ibn Al-Ahwas Al-Jushami, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that he had heard the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam saying on his Farewell Pilgrimage, after praising and glorifying Allaah and admonishing the people: “Fear Allaah and treat women kindly - they are like captives in your hands. If they become rebellious in their behaviour, then do not share their beds and beat them lightly; but if they return to obedience then you do not have recourse to anything else against them. You have rights over your wives and they have their rights over you. Your right is that they shall not permit anyone you dislike to enter your home, and their right is that you should treat them well in the matter of food and clothing.” [At-Tirmithi]

• Mu`aawiyah Ibn Haydah, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported: “I asked the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, "What right can any wife demand of her husband?'' He sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam replied: “Give her food when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not strike her on the face, and do not revile her or separate from her except within the house.” [Abu Daawood] Imaam Al-Khattaabi, may Allaah have mercy upon, him said: “This proves the obligation of spending on wives and providing clothing for them, but it should be in accordance to the ability of the husband. The Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam made this mandatory whether the husband is present or travelling, and if he is unable to, then it remains a debt on him which he must repay whenever he returns.”

• Wahb, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said: “One of the servants of ‘Abdullaah Ibn ‘Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, said to him (i.e., to Ibn ‘Umar): `I plan to stay here in Jerusalem for a month.` So Ibn 'Umar enquired: `Did you leave enough to sustain your family during your absence?` He replied: `No`, so Ibn ‘Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: `Go back and give them what will suffice them during your absence because I heard the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam say: “Neglecting one's own dependents is reason enough for a man to be committing a sin." [Abu Daawood] In the narration of this story found in the book of Imaam Muslim, may Allaah have mercy upon him, the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said: “It is enough sin for a person to hold back the due of one whose provision is in his hand.”

• Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: “I heard the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam say: “It is far better for you to take your rope, go to the mountains, (cut some firewood), carry it on your back, sell it and thereby save your face (from shame) than beg from people, regardless of whether they give to you or refuse you. The upper hand is better than the lower one (i.e., the spending hand is better than the receiving hand); and begin (charity) with those who are under your care.” It was asked: `Who are those that are under my care?' He sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam replied: “Your wife and those (others) under your guardianship.” [Muslim]

Imaam Ibn Qudaamah, Imaam Ibn Al-Munthir and others, may Allaah have mercy upon them, have said: “It is the consensus of the Muslim scholars that spending on the wife is mandatory upon the husband, unless the wife is disobedient.”

The abovementioned texts prove that it is mandatory for one to provide for his family and household and care for them. There are many prophetic narrations indicating the virtue of spending and providing for one's family and household, such as the narration of Abu Moosaa Al-Ansaari, may Allaah be pleased with him, who reported that the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said: “Whenever one spends something in charity on his family, sincerely for the sake of Allaah, he will be rewarded for it” [Al-Bukhaari]

Imaam Ibn Hajr, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said: “Providing for and spending on one's family is mandatory even though it is referred to as charity in the texts; the reason for it being referred to as charity is so that people will not mistakenly think that they will not attain reward for spending in such a way. Allaah clarified this so that people will not spend in charity externally until they have sufficed their own household and encouraged them by calling it charity.”

Sa`d Ibn Maalik, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said to him: “You will not spend anything in charity for the sake of Allaah except that you will be rewarded for it; even the morsel of food which you feed your wife.” [Al-Bukhaari & Muslim]
Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported: “The Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said: "(of the following types of expenditure): A Deenaar (i.e., a gold unit of currency) which you spend in Allaah's way, or to free a slave, or as a charity you give to a needy person, or to support your family, the one yielding the greatest reward is that which you spend on your family." [Muslim
]
Ka’b Ibn ‘Ajrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, narrated: “The Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam once passed by a group of his Companions and saw one of them working hard while the rest of them were saying: `It would have been rewarding if this hard work was exerted for the sake of Allaah.' So the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam remarked: “If he has gone out of his house striving to provide for his young children, then it is considered as for the sake of Allaah; and if he has gone out striving to provide for his old parents, then it is considered as for the sake of Allaah; and if he has gone out striving in order to suffice himself from having to ask others for money, then it is considered as for the sake of Allaah; but if he has gone out (for the sake of) boasting and showing off to others, then it is considered as (going out) for the sake of Satan.” [At-Tabaraani]

Our righteous Salaf, may Allaah have mercy upon them, understood this obligation very well and it reflected in their statements, such as the saying of the devout Imaam ‘Abdullaah Ibn Al-Mubaarak, may Allaah have mercy upon him, when he said: “Nothing can equal this in other forms of spending - even spending in Jihaad for the sake of Allaah.”

On the other hand, the wife has to realise that her husband is only obliged to spend according to his ability and financial condition, as Allaah Says (what means): “Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted — let him spend from what Allaah has given him. Allaah does not charge a soul except [according to] what He has given it. Allaah will bring about, after hardship, ease [i.e. relief].” [Quran 65: 7]

Therefore, she has no right to overburden her husband with difficult demands, because this contradicts the kindness that spouses should have with each other. Additionally, Allaah warns us against excessive spending, saying (what means): “Indeed, the wasteful are brothers of the devils, and ever has Satan been to his Lord ungrateful.” [Quran 17: 27]

The wife should take into consideration the financial condition of her husband and be conservative in her spending and demands; she should sacrifice certain requests lest she might cause her husband emotional anguish.

Conversely, the husband should not be stingy if Allaah provides him with wealth; he should not deprive his wife of what other women of her social status have of adornment, clothing and so forth, according to his ability; he should also never remind her of what he is doing for her. The husband should also know that financial inability can be made up for by kind words to the wife. When Allaah mentioned kindness to kinfolks, He highlighted how those who do not have financial ability should behave and speak, saying (what means): “And if you [must] turn away from them [i.e. the needy] awaiting mercy from your Lord which you expect, then speak to them a gentle word.” [Quran 17: 28]

Imaam Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, commenting upon this verse: “Meaning, when one's relatives or others whom he is commanded to support ask for help while one has nothing to give them, then he should promise them while being kind and gentle in tone that when Allaah provides for him, he will give to them.”

Finally, both spouses should remember that kind words and good manners make the other forget the hardships and tight financial situation they are in, and help them endure patiently

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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

relationships

The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It is composed of individuals that have permanent relations established between them. Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the different kinds of personal relations. Because of this, there must be certain etiquettes placed in order to control and regulate these relations. This is such that it can be maintained in the best possible manner, and so that it can generate and produce its proper fruits. 

Family relations consist of the relationship between the spouses from one perspective, the relationship between the parents and the children from a second perspective, and the relationship between the children themselves from a third perspective.